My £85 sh*t… worth every penny!

Right, now that’s out the way, heyy all! This is my first post, what a way to start the year of, with a bang ayy. Firstly I have to say a “happy new year!” to all reading and to my loyal subscribers:) If you haven’t done so already, after this post head back to the homepage, scroll down to the bottom and enter your email in the subscription box to receive blogs straight to your email. By the way, EVERY pun was intended.

Disclaimer: This and I repeat THIS blog is not for the easily offended or boujee.

Today I had my first colon cleanse, also known as colonic hydrotherapy or colonic irrigation. It’s safe to say that this was an experience I and the patient nurse won’t be forgetting any time soon. Before we start let’s start with..

What is colonic hydrotherapy?
It is the gentle infusion of warm filtered water into the large intestine (colon) to help cleanse it of old faecal matter, gas, mucous, parasites and toxins. The water is infused under carefully regulated pressure. When the colon has taken enough fluid, the therapist then gently massages the abdomen to encourage the fluid to move through the length of the colon, the fluid will then be empted from the colon, bringing with it the impacted wastes matter, which has accumulated over weeks, months AND YEARS! Whew chilee the ghetto..

And boyy did I have years!!

When you arrived at the clinic what happened?
I arrived at the clinic at 10:45am and was instantly welcomed and made to feel comfortable. I had a short consultation where I spoke about my general health and touched on my eating habits and history of stomach problems. I went through what I would usually eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner. “That sounds balanced” the nurse commented. But little did she know was that this ‘new’ eating regimen started last month and gurll if we go back over the years what I’ve put in my body is atrocious!

Those who know me know that my downfall is cake! Red Velvet and Victoria Sponge are life you hear me! I have cut down alot, I now have around 2/3 slices of cake a week. I do though plan to stop. I used to eat so much cake that it once sent me to the A&E. Yes, cake sent me to hospital. I was 15 years old and for a good week plus all I ate was cake, Tesco birthday cakes to be precise. After 7 days I was struggling to pass. I went to the doctors and they prescribed me laxatives upon laxatives, there was still no movement. 5 weeks have gone and I still hadn’t been to the toilet! At this point I was looking 28 weeks pregnant and felt really ill. The doctor said “I think we might have to operate”. Ladies and Gentlemen, I have put my bowels through the sh*ts I tell you. I knew I was backed up to the high heavens and this colonic was about to be very interesting.

After the consultation she instructed me to take my pants off and stick my knees up. I did just that. A few moments later she grabs this tube thingy, tells me to take a deep breath, “1.. 2..” and before she got the 3 she had already put it in me, cheeky! Anyways, after that complete shock and horror, she switches on the machine and the liquids start pumping into me. The feeling is something hard to explain. It almost feels like you really really need a dump. Like you’re literally brewing. Like if you sneeze right now sh*ts about to hit the fan, like literally. It was that feeling.

Usually around 15 or so minutes in you should start to see waste going down the tube. 30 minutes in it should be flowing. Tell me why after 45 minutes we are seeing nothing! I asked her, “ermm, is this not working?” Thinking have I just been robbed? Have I just given these people money for absolutely nothing? With a frustrated look to her face she said, “Ashley if I’m honest with you, this hasn’t happened before.” She said I’ve got one of the worst bowels she’s seen in her 16 year career. How bloody embarrassing. Lowkey I wanted to laugh, but you know what it’s actually quite serious. She then cranks up the pressure. “Come you little buggar, get moving” she grunts whilst squeezing on the tube. I’m now laying there on my side, digesting what she’s just said and not really knowing what’s going on. What if this colonic doesn’t work, I’m doooomed. My session was 1 hour but the poor lady said we won’t stop until she sees something move. Bless her! So we went over about by 20 minutes.

Surprisingly the whole thing wasn’t painful at all. Well one bit was, when I laughed a little and the tube threw out my rear at 15,000 miles per hour. The procedure itself was quite therapeutic and I learnt so much about foods, the digestive system and dos and don’t that the overall experience for me was 10 out of 10. And seeing what came out of me made me gag. It’s crazy how much rubbish your body can hold!

What are the benefits of a colon cleanse?
There are so many benefits to getting your colon cleansed. I would encourage you to do your own research. Here’s a list below of just some of the ways cleansing your colon will benefit you. The below is taken from https://www.gaiam.com/blogs/discover/10-benefits-of-colon-cleansing.


1. Makes the digestive system more effective

As the colon is cleansed, it pushes waste through your system, clearing the way for good nutrient absorption. A clean colon from a colon detox allows waste to pass easily.

2. Increases energy

Releasing the toxins from your body is rejuvenating because it refocuses the energy usually used for forcing waste through your intestines to other parts of your body. People who have undergone colon detoxification say they have better blood circulation, more restful sleep, and a boost in energy.

3. Increases the body’s absorption of vitamins and nutrients

A colon that’s been cleansed allows only water, vitamins and nutrients to be absorbed into the bloodstream, creating an unobstructed path for essential nutrients to filter into your body.

4. Improves concentration

Poor diet and ineffective vitamin absorption can cause you to become distracted and lose your concentration. The buildup of mucous and toxins in your colon can keep your body from getting what it needs to function, even if you eat a consistently healthy diet. Cleansing the colon with a detox diet can be the difference between feeling alert and not being able to focus. This has far-reaching ramifications for work, your relationships, and your overall health.

5. Kick-starts weight loss

Foods lacking in fiber move through the digestive tract at one-quarter the pace of high-fiber choices. This slow-moving food produces excess mucous that literally sticks to the intestinal walls, weighing the intestinal tract down with pounds of decaying fecal matter. Colon cleansing has the potential to aid weight loss; some people claim to have lost up to 20 pounds over the course of a month. The average human colon weighs about four pounds empty and can hold up to eight meals’ worth of food before digestion finally occurs. A colon cleansing can result in significant weight loss and kick-start your metabolism, as well as refocus your attention on better food choices and whole-body wellness.

6. Decreases risk of colon cancer

All the toxins that you eat, drink, breathe, and absorb through your skin end up processed by your gastrointestinal system, kidneys, and liver. If they’re not forced from your organs as quickly as possible, they can wreak havoc on your body’s systems. By releasing stagnant body waste, you reduce the causes and the risk of polyps, cysts and cancerous growths in your colon and gastrointestinal tract.

7. Increases fertility

Colon cleansing, as well as increased fiber intake and healthy food choices, improves regularity and helps keep your weight under control. Fat is estrogen-based, and if too much is present, becoming pregnant becomes more difficult. A colon that is weighed down by years of buildup can also press on the uterus and surrounding reproductive organs in women, causing strain. Colon cleansing rids the body of many chemicals and toxins that affect the egg and sperm. Many naturopaths recommend that both partners undergo colon cleansing before attempting pregnancy.

8. Improves whole-body well-being

Ridding the colon of waste and toxins by releasing layers of colon buildup can lead to feelings of lightness, increased energy, and overall good health.

..and the list goes on!

It is also important to note that there is a correlation between the health of your guts and the performance of the brain. I would definitely have a look into that too.

How often should have a colonic?
They typically suggest 6 months to a year. For me she said to come back in 2 weeks then again in 3 months (lol). But this is not the only way to flush out your colon. There are other methods you can use, I guess it’s about doing research and finding what best suits you.

My colonic cost £85. This might sound a lot, BUT when you think about what you spend on a night out. Or what you spend on eating out, or even on clothes – it really isn’t that much. I have clear goals this year, one of them is taking better care of my health, mind and wellbeing. This for me does just that.

From one discovering soul to another – let’s put more importance on our insides, than the appearance on the outside.

Until next time cya! And don’t forget to share, comment and subscribe😊 weekly blogs will be starting back up the 1st week of March.

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