#18| Is It Preference?

I was invited onto BBC West Midlands this week to share my opinions on a range of topics surrounding dating. One of these topics was on racial preference. Is it OK to only date one particular racial group? I asked Instagram via a poll and over 150 responded. 63% said Yes it’s OK to date only one particular race, 37% said disagreed with this. If I was to vote I would side with the side that says No it’s not OK to only one race, and this is why. *Tamar Braxton voice* Now y’all don’t hate me now, but let’s get into this. OK you can stop the Tamar voice now weirdo😊

Let me start off with this. Writng off an entire racial group, especially without having an exception to me is problematic. ‘No Blacks’, ‘No Asians’, ‘No Whites’, does this sound or look familiar? The amount of times I’ve seen this on dating apps is shocking. Imagine people walking around with a sign of what racial group they would never date. Sounds problematic to me.

Only being open to dating certain races to me, is not preference. To say you only date black guys/girls is not preference, to say you only date white guys/girls is not preference.  A preference is having a greater liking for one alternative over another. I like McDonalds, but I prefer Greggs and I dare you at me about it! That’s my preference, I am open to them both.

It is not a preference to only being open to dating one particular race.

Stereotypes plays a large role in who we are attracted to. Pause and think about it. In fact, examine some of your own thoughts, opinions and internalised feelings you have towards different races. What are these? It’s true that the media, our upbringing, our circle and so many other components influence how we feel towards others and who we are willing to date. But excluding a whole racial group from your dating pool can have you miss out on your potential soulmate. Furthermore, when we reduce people to characteristics, often stereotypical of their race, ethnicity, or culture, we are actually objectifying them. Objectifying them to fulfill our own personal wishes and expectations for how they should behave, treat you, look and value.

Having a preference is being open to all races but having more of a liking for another. Now if you’re like me Single with a capital S, you may need to look into opening up to other races and the beauty their cultural differences hold. Yes dating outside of your cultural norm may come with more challenges than dating what’s familiar to you, but it does work!

So I challenge you as I challenge myself. Try and widen your network. This isn’t to say you must date a race you haven’t before, that’s not it. But if before you wouldn’t entertain the thought, first identify why and then maybe interact with that racial group. You might just surprise yourself! Maybe go on a date with a person you normally wouldn’t. And lastly, if ever you hear someone say “I can never date a person from xxx race (or colour)”, challenge that thought.

From One Wondering Soul To Another 🙂

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